SuperJ8's Xanga

Grooming Drama

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 07:19:09 GMT

I had to take the boys to the groomer and the poor little ones had to get shaved! They went to Grandma & Grandpa's house for an overnight stay and a play date with Sadie & Gidget. (The in-laws two dogs) It's been snowing where they live so of course my little men have to wear sweaters, they don't handle heat or cold to well. I sent them with the normal sweaters they wear at home on the days it gets cold, but the mother-in-law had bought them new sweaters for their visit so they wore those. The sweaters while they were cute, are made out of wool and it causes static so of course they came home with matts all over them. I was not happy. The sweaters I have for them are fleece, which the groomer recommended as it won't cause the static therefore eliminating matts. It's been anywhere from 30-40° here, and my little men have had to wear their sweaters all the time. Diesel weighing in at a hefty 13 lbs has a little more meat on him, but my sissy little 8 lb Charlie shivers without the sweater. Look at how pissed he was at me when I brought them home from the groomers on Saturday. He wouldn't come near me until Monday!!

Diesel on the other hand couldn't have been happier, I think he likes his hair short.

What a difference a year makes look at Charlie when we brought him home

And here was Diesel as the 1.6 lb runt when we brought him home

And look at them now!! This is what they normally look like before the "shaving incident" at the groomers

Ah the joys of having little dogs with lots of hair. I can't complain though, I love it!!

Pill Popping Mama

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:54:45 GMT

I dumped my vicadin tonight, flushed it right down the toilet. I love the effects it has on me WAY too much. I take it and 10 minutes later I hear Willie Nelson & Ray Charles singing Seven Spanish Angels. Most of you don't even know that song and I recommend you check it out cuz it rocks, but I digress. The song is not the issue, the problem is that the vicadin makes me hallucinate, a little bit. I take it and it's like I'm having a private concert where Willie & Ray are sitting on my couches singing to me. I love the high it gives me and the pain it takes away, but the high is so high that I have no clue what is going on around me, how much time has passed, etc. I'm so weak in mind and spirit right now that it would be easy to succumb to popping pills and letting go of it all. So while I will miss Willie & Ray, the right thing to do was flush the devil and get back to dealing with life like I'm used to, by the balls!! So lookout, Super J is making a comeback....god help us all and wish me luck!!

Life & Death

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 06:47:23 GMT

Is what has happened in the past 48 hours. My neighbor, who is the last of my 5 girlfriends to be pregnant this year, had her baby on Christmas Eve. It's been a long time, 17 years almost, since I have been an active part all the way through a pregnancy with someone. It's funny too because of all my friends that gave birth this year, they all live far away from me and the pregnancies (to me of course) felt like they flew by. Being so close to my neighbor this time around it felt like it took forever, which is the norm from what my girlfriends tell me. She had a rough time, her water had leaked for too long and she wound up with an infection in the uterus which caused the infection; poor thing had a 103° when she delivered. I don't care who you are that is a high fever, not too mention what it was like for the baby that was inside of her. She had a gorgeous little girl, 7 lbs 2 oz 19.5", she has tons of black hair and has an olive complection like her mommy. I don't know what it is but olive complected babies are the best looking, it kills me. My oldest niece was as white as snow, and her younger sister had jet black hair and a tan that I spend all summer trying to get when she was born. When the hubby & I got home on Christmas Eve we took their trash out, cleaned up their house a little bit, decorated with the lovely "It's a girl" signs, fed the cat, got the mail, blah, blah, blah. I spent Christmas morning making food and freezing it so they only have to defrost and throw it in the oven; in the middle of all that came the phone call. My Dad's best friend who came to his funeral, his wife died on Christmas day. She had been sick with something similar to my Pops, but not for nearly as long. She left behind 4 adult children, 14 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild on the way. This man and his wife came to both of my weddings and have been major fans of mine since I was born. Their oldest children are my Godparents and I grew up with them. This death is harder for me than my Dads. In the last 24 hours I have been either crying or sleeping, no in between. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow to go over my pipeline for work and where I plan to finish at the end of the fiscal year in June. This is something that I should have been working on for the last month, yah I haven't even started, and here I sit whining on Xanga. You know what, I could give a shit. Life is too short to write stupid fucking reports and worry about how much money I am required by contract to make my company. I will get the job done in an orderly fashion but in the mean time let me grieve in my own way - blah!! Hey maybe I should put that in my report?!?! I am definitely ready to close the books on 2007!!

Stuck in the fog

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 08:22:32 GMT

That's the best way I can describe how I feel mentally. The death of my father has fucked me up more than I expected. On one hand I miss him terribly and find myself thinking back to the few good memories I have of him. Then reality sets in and the memories I have blocked out for years wash over me like a scary wave with horrible images of the beatings I took as a child both physically, mentally, and verbally. This has knocks me out and causes lots of nightmares, actually they are night tremors. I was plagued with them as a child and now they have come back. Of course they only happen when the hubby isn't home and I can't bring myself to tell him about them. So many horrible horrible things that I cannot find the courage to tell him about. I have never been so tired in all my life. You should see the puffy bags under my eyes, they aren't dark circles but it looks like I've aged 15 years in the past 4 weeks. I know this will pass with time and I'm fighting to not let myself completely get lost in it, it's so hard. I want to be in the holiday spirit so bad but I'm failing. Don't get me wrong I'm putting on a good show for friends and family, but I'm definitely not myself. I'm having these out of body experiences lately too. Take today for instance, well technically yesterday. My hubby's side of the family and I adopted a family for Christmas and we delivered the presents, tree and meals to them. I watched the whole thing from outside myself and for the first time saw how sad I am. I spent the day with them and came to stay the night, so that we can wake up together as a family for Christmas Eve. All day I have watched myself from outside of me, I don't know how to describe it. I've been horrible about corresponding with close friends, I read e-mails and listen to voice mails but don't return calls. I'm afraid I'm going to lose more people because of this funk, but I can't bring myself to say more than pleasantries but anymore than that and I'm out. I have an appointment with the counselor but not until mid January and I'm just treading water and taking vicadin until then. So if you have called/e-mailed me and I haven't written/called back, please don't give up on me. I'm not in a good place but I'm not gone either, I just need more time.

Hell & Back

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:33:52 GMT

I'm just getting home from Oregon where my sister, my niece, my brother and I were with my Dad while he passed away. His services are tomorrow at the church we grew up in here in CA. This is the obituary that was in the Sac Bee today, I will post more later.

http://www.legacy.com/sacbee/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=98829444

Tets, Tests, And More Tests

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 01:29:30 GMT

The great news is I don't have stomach cancer!! I was very worried about it, and am so excited to have a clear biopsy! The no-news is no-news part is what has me a little on edge. I have to do another colonoscopy so my normal GI dr. can peep around the infected area and make sure it's not gotten any worse in the last 3 weeks. I've been on some major anti-inflammatory steroids for it so why he wants to look now is beyond me, I thought he'd wait another month or two and give the meds time to do their thing. I know he's thorough, which I should be thankful for, but it's not his ass that's up on the table having a tube shoved up it! I get the pleasure of the "pooper snooper" this Friday, and then next Wednesday - the friggen day before Thanksgiving I get the pleasure of swallowing the camera for one more fabulous endoscopy. My throat is just now getting back to normal from the last one. The biopsy could not confirm or deny that the diseased area in my stomach is Crohn's disease, WTF?!?! He wants to rule out ulcerative colitis and/or more ulcers. So either way I was given more drugs today, which I will reluctantly start taking tomorrow. Hopefully the diseased area is just my Crohn's that has crept north into my tummy, if it's UC I'll have another new batch of conflicting pills to take. So what does all this mean, beats the crap out of me! I just know that I have a couple more answers I'm waiting on before I feel like I will be on the right path out of sickness and onto healing and wellness. The dr did mention that all of the pills I am on would not interfere if I want to have a baby before, during or after a flare up. No we're not trying, but the subject is back on the table now that the hubby is working full time. Right now I need to get the flare up taken care of before the glove comes off, so to speak. Also, speaking of babies, Grace Elizabeth was born on 11/8/07 at 1:01 pm 6lbs 13 oz 19.5" long. (This makes 3 of the 4 babies for the year. The last one due is Project Snead on Christmas Eve.) Look how cute little Gracie is, I'm calling her Gracie Lou Freebush.

Poopy Days Ahead

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:57:05 GMT

My Dad made a turn for the better and then turned back around for the worst. He was moved out of ICU, but last night he was sent back to the ICU. I am waiting for news as to what happened. His wife left my brother a strange voice mail about it. Jeff (my brother) said the message made absolutely no sense and he was very angry at whatever she said. Naturally I have no idea what she said, I just keep praying for god to take his pain away.

The past two weeks have sucked royally!! Last Monday (10/29) was my two year anniversary, that part was great but the hubby was gone so the dogs and I had dinner together by candlelight, it was pretty pathetic. Woke up Wed morning and felt like the incredible hulk had punched me in the stomach, I barely made it to the bathroom. My morning dump looked like coffee grounds, and from having Crohn's disease that is a sure fire sign of blood. I had a 102° fever, sweating, nausea the whole ball of wax. Called the advice nurse thinking it was a flare up of my Chron's, my sister took me to the ER. I got there at 8:00 in the morning and by 8:15 was in a bed hooked up on fluids, heart monitors, and the blood pressure machine. My blood pressure was low, fever was low and I never had pain like that before. It felt like I had acid flowing through my stomach and intestines. They gave me morphine to ease the pain, I've never had that before either. It was instant pain relief yet at the same time it made me feel super drunk, drunk as in the spins before you throw up drunk. Did not like that part. By noon the ER doctor had ordered a CT scan and I was drinking the stuff that makes your innards show up during the scan. The ER was filling up quickly and I got booted out of my room by a man who was having a heart attack. That part was not a big deal, what was horrible as that of the 16 hours I spent in the ER that day 12 of them were in a hallway literally across from a bathroom. The ER does not have enough beds or staff, to support the number of peeps that come in. The level of service went down tremendously while I was in my "hallway room," and yes they actually called the area I was in a room. After the results of the CT scan I was told my Chron's was indeed flaring up and that there were other areas of concern. Because of that the GI doctor on call wanted me admitted and to run more tests on me the next day. The hospital was full, not one bed open until midnight. When the bed came available the set me up, gave me more meds and I slept for 4 hours which is a luxury if you've ever been in the hospital. The needle pricks and vital sign checks started at 5 a.m. and those bastards didn't leave my arms alone until noon. I have some gnarly track marks, look like a major drug user right now. The healing process from IV's is not pretty. Around noon the on-call doctor came in to assess me, I had to tell the whole story over again. She said the GI dr wanted to access me and do more tests, when and what tests she wasn't sure. At 3:00 an orderly showed up saying they were taking me down to GI, he had no idea what test I was getting. It wasn't until they rolled me into the procedure room that I actually met the GI dr. He was really, really cool. We hit it off right away and were joking around. I was being set up for an endoscopy, where they take a camera and look down your throat into your tummy. They gave me a twilight sedation and the next thing I knew the dr was telling me that I have an ulcer which is what's causing all the pain, and that he biopsied a piece of "diseased" area in my stomach. He wasn't sure what the disease was in the tummy, could be Crohn's, could be more ulcers, could be cancer, who knows. So that was disheartening but I'm pretty sure the Crohn's crept it's way up to my stomach. They shipped me back up to my room, told me to get comfy I wasn't going home until I could eat. The pain was pretty bad again so they decided to give me dilantin, a major pain killer. It killed the pain alright! It rendered me useless, I couldn't move my body, not even open my eyes and it gave me hallucinations. I flipped out, started crying asking for my beloved Blaise who has been gone for a year and a half, more crying, asking for advil, stating that they gave me street drugs, begging my sister to help me and not let me have cancer. I remember some of it but it's really foggy. I scared the crap out of my sister which I feel bad about. Definitely no more of that stuff for me!! Thursday came and went, I was finally able to have some food and once I had a bowel movement they tested that, and I was free to go home. I have been at home ever since. I was supposed to be released to go back to work today but woke up with a fever yesterday, and of course the pain is back. I have vicadin for it, but haven't been using it. I'm home alone and don't want to be on a narcotic by myself, I've been pretty dizzy and the last thing I need is a fall down the stairs in a stoned state. I go to my regular GI doctor this Friday, hopefully he will have the results of my biopsy for me. I may have to do more tests, I may not we'll see. In the meantime I am on prednisone (steroids) for my Chron's and Protonix for the ulcer and Tylenol for the pain and it sucks. I'm not a good sick person. When I'm sitting I feel pretty good, but when I move around too much the pain comes back. I get cranky and frustrated and can hardly stand being around myself right now. I'm bored out of my mind, daytime tv blows. I have been working but I'm not supposed to and my boss busted me for it. He took away my access to certain areas so I can't work and focus on resting. I miss my hubby like crazy and want him home so bad. I can't really tell him that though because he's in this stupid training class and I want him to be focused on what he needs to do to get through the class and not worry about me. But I want so bad for him to be home and hold me, rub my back a little and run his fingers through my hair. I would kill right now to be held by him. That's enough of that, don't need to get myself all worked up just because I'm lonely.

Help

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:35:34 GMT

I'm normally very private about my religion but now is the time that I need help in the prayer department. My father is dying a very slow and painful death. He has COPD, late stage emphysema and end stage Lung Cancer, the bottomline is that he is drowning to death. He also has ischemia due to the lack of oxygen to his brain, which acts like alzheimers/dementia. He has lost control of his bowels and I just got off the phone with my Grandpa who let me know that he has been admitted into the hospital. He's bleeding internally, it's basically pooling inside of him, he's not vomiting it up, nor is it coming out in his stool. The Doctors have ordered an MRI among other tests to see if they can do anything for him. I know it won't be much longer that he'll be with us. I pray that he will go swiftly and painlessly. Any additional prayers would be a blessing for my family.

Evening Update: I just spoke with my Grandpa and my brother. The internal bleeding was caused by a bleeding ulcer. His doctors didn't think he would survive the surgery, however he would have died if they didn't do the surgery (according to my brother). The ulcer was cauterized, he received a transfusion and the bleeding has stopped. My Dad is in ICU on a ventilator. He has not been conscious since entering the hospital last night and we are not sure if he will be able to get off of the ventilator. The doctors don't think his lungs have the strength to make a come back for him to breathe on his own. Only God knows how soon it will be from here.

Meet Sofia Grace

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:10:43 GMT

The baby who stole my name has finally arrived. Not only has she stolen my name, but she's stolen my heart and I haven't even met her yet!

Busted!!

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 23:39:37 GMT

I got majorly busted watching the Disney channel by my neighbors today. I'm not a football fan and now that it's in full swing it's tough to catch my beloved baseball on a Sunday. So I stumbled onto Hannah Montana today while channel surfing and immediately fell in love with the show. Miley Cyrus' character reminds me a lot of Punky Brewster and as a youngster I LOVED that show. I was feeling silly but excited that I found a kids show. I had my game plan all set as to how I could DVR the episodes, watch them and delete them so no one would know. That would be right until my neighbors let themselves in and busted me - game plan ruined!! I'm now being ridiculed by them, and they cannot wait to tell the hubby when he gets home from his shift. So much for my secret!!